Discover Your Love Language

I stumbled upon the concept of love language when I was downtown at a conference one summer evening. I ended up meeting a couple who looked really happy together and asked them how they met. It turns out they had both read the same book, a book entitled Love Language, which I knew nothing about and hadn’t read the book. Their relationship evolved from there and turned into a long-term relationship. The Book Love Language was written by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992. Since then, I met others who either read the book or made a reference to the book, so it was apparently very popular and helpful for many couples in their relationships who seemed to be struggling with communication and looking for some helpful information.

Chapman identified five main languages. They are the following:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Physical Touch

These languages can offer you insight into your own style and preferences. Identifying your own preferences and getting to know your unique style can lead to improvements not only in your romantic relationships but with friends and family members.

Let’s explore these 5 love languages in more depth:

Words of Affirmation: This language comes naturally to those who are strong communicators and enjoy expressing themselves verbally. Making use of kind words such as, “I appreciate you” or “ My life wouldn’t be the same without you” are really important and can have a strong impact on your relationships.

Quality Time: People who value quality time as their love language enjoy giving their partners their undivided attention. Being present in the moment where there aren’t any distractions. Sharing activities together or making the time up to your partner if you work alot or are often busy can nurture your relationship.

Acts of Service: People who value this love language show their affection by what they do for others. Running errands for their partner, being helpful around the house with chores, offering to gas up the car or change the tires, pick up the dry cleaning. People with this love language enjoy making others' lives easier.

Gifts: Those with this love language enjoy showering others with gifts and these gifts are “visual” not necessarily expensive. It can be an item you bought or a card you made yourself or the socks you knitted. They love to show tangible proof of their affection or love.

Physical Touch: People with this love language are very tactile; they enjoy holding hands, giving a warm hug, kissing. Touch here is the connecting force behind emotional intimacy and closeness, creating a sense of affirmation.

What is the most popular love language? A survey found that Words of Affirmation was the most popular love language (Chapman, 2010). A different study found that Quality Time was the most popular love language (Hinge, 2018)

Cultural factors or norms also have an influence in people’s preferred language. For example, in certain cultures it would be uncomfortable and out of the ordinary to show public displays of affection or any form of direct praise.

Now that you have become familiar with the different love languages, do you identify your style in any of the love languages described? If you are a partner who is often busy working and absent where your partner feels neglected and complains about this, it could be helpful to borrow from the Quality Time love language and give some time back to your relationship.

Getting to know yourself and your partners love language can improve your relationships. It isn’t necessary for you or your partner to have all 5 love languages. It brings to mind the hit song, two out of three ain’t bad by Meatloaf. The Love language list could be a helpful guide to improve your relationship and borrow from the list when needed. The list can help build more empathy where it is lacking, practice more selflessness, deepen intimacy, encourage growth in your relationships when you’ve hit a plateau or are bored or unhappy, and practice more gratitude.

If you are struggling in your relationships, know that you are not alone. Visit www.saraperrettatherapy.com to learn more and book your consultation today.

Learning about your love language can help you in your relationships with others not only romantically but with friends and family members.